Have you laid in the grass lately?
I did it for the first time in a long time twenty minutes ago.
I laid there feeling the earth blanket my skin.
I looked over and counted the blades of grass and looked up and saw trees branches over me like an adult looking down at a child.
I suddenly felt safe and at home.
I felt warm and energized.
I grew quiet and centered.
It was like being glued to a piece of paper.
It dawned on me that I wasn’t sure when I would find this moment again.
So I took a deep breath and made sure to smell the earth that was holding me.
Feel the grass that tickled my nose and notice the woman I was laying there OPEN and still.
Finding stillness in my hectic mother/artist pursuits is hard.
I am a committed mother of three ducks who are still in their early stages of life.
They don’t try to be “high maintenance” they just are by nature of the lack of maturity.
Living with kids right now is like living on the beach.
The waves are always coming in.
At times it’s high tide at other times it’s low.
Sometimes it a tidal wave.
Sometimes it’s so still the ocean of kids look more like a lake.
Swans swimming past me in the yard.
Blink and I am in another place.
I am not the mother that is consumed with motherly things.
I am a voice waiting to be heard.
I am a voice humming along to the beat of the music in the head of my mind.
I pick up a pen and draw. I don’t think. I am tired of thinking. I just want to exist in space in the world around me.
I want to relax.
Sometimes it’s music.
Tonight it is pen and paper, daydreams and memories of a dream.
I turn a spot light on the whiteness of nothing and start with an eye. I always start with the eyes.
I stop, go, stop, go, stop go until the dawn comes up three times and nighttime settles deep.
She now lives-this woman on my two dimensional white piece of paper.
I actually think somewhere out there–beyond my daily grind–she walks–probably buying fresh produce while planning dinner in her head.
She drinks coffee late and night and can’t sleep.
That girl lying in the grass is the girl who drew this girl who lives somewhere out there under the earth on the other side.
I have no regrets–although, I do have several of ME’s hanging around.