I am currently working in my studio on some projects.
I tend to have three or four going at one time.
I like to let them sit. Like a good bowl of chile.
Seriously, if you have never cooked a pot of homemade chile DO and then let it sit in the frig over night and let all those spices meet and have a beer and eat it for lunch the next day!
VIOLA, …”oh ,oh it’s magic” (sing it out loud, you know the song!)
Sitting and waiting for things to “come together” is worth the wait!
I have had many moments in my life where I thought God oh mighty, how long is this going to take?
How long am I going to find Mr. Right?
How long is it going to take for to get pregnant?
How long is it going to take for things to work out the way I want?
When will ever “get out of here?”
How long is it going to take to make enough money?”
How long is it going to take for me to “follow my bliss” ?
It is enough to sometimes drive you mad.
The question IS worth asking and the waiting IS part of the question.
You have to wait.
My kids are teaching me this everyday.
For example, they want some milk. The ask me nicely, “mommy, can I have some milk please?” I say, “yes, just a minute.” No more than half a second goes by and one of them will exclaim, “where is my milk?” I look over like they have three heads and say, “hold on I am right in the middle of something. You are going to have to wait.”
I find myself saying things to my kids that I need to throw over to myself.
I too have to wait for some things.
I too have to “chill out” as I say to them. “I hear you, chill out I will right there.”
If I think about it, this is probably what the universe is telling me all the time!”
I am not a very patient person.
Monkey see, monkey do.
Thanks kids, you are my light!
Right now I am in the middle of a self crisis.
I can not produce what is in my head quick enough.
I have too many responsibilities that have nothing to do with making ART.
I have hampers of clothes and school meetings and eye appointments and son on …and on…..on and on and on.
I am realizing a lot of my “To Do List” is not sustainable.
I have to let some things go… I have to let them WAIT.
Waiting is part of life and how you wait is a part of your character.
I read somewhere at sometime, It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to what happens to you that creates your character.
Waiting is part of life’s game.
It’s part of the play. It’s not curtain time it’s not intermission it is part of the story.
I remember when I would be sitting out on my little balcony in Hollywood, CA in the hot sun on a February day.
I drove myself cross-country with eyes wide open, and three years later wonder when in the hell I was ever going to get out.
I had to wait. I did wait. I waited two years!
Imagine waiting two years to eat a bowl of chile!
It was hard. One of the roughest waits I have endured. But I now sit in my house with my family, three kids and a wonderful husband, surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and sisters and such.
(not all are here wish they were!)
My point is, that the waiting was worth it. I got what I wanted and much more.
A support system and relationships that have grown and turned into flowers.
I wouldn’t trade my time back in TN for the world!
I started this post with frustration and have managed to type my way to some peace.
I “intellectually” know I can’t do everything I want to do all the time.
But emotionally I am sometimes a mess.
I get frustrated when I can’t breathe.
When I can’t paint when I want to. I can’t sit in silence when I am desperate to.
I am working on that.
I am working on finding a balance in my home life and art life.
I can get tangled up in thoughts and start spinning all over the place with ALL the things I CAN”T do.
Instead I could focus on what is in front of me, finish it and move on to the next.
Before I know it, I will be sitting in my studio doing what I want
the rest of that shit can WAIT!