Today I started Dreaming

I stared at myself in the mirror.  
I saw me.
I am full of my
My Self watches
(a wholeness that is forever hangin’ around.)
I had no way of picking up  “Getty Man” so I grabbed my iphone and clicked. 
Today I started dreaming. 
 I stared looking around me.
Today I saw the sky.
Today I saw the buildings.
Today I heard music.
Today I felt a simple pulse thumbing inside my chest.
A sound so quiet it held the universe as if it were a baby.
Such a quiet confidence
My 5 year old son asked me yesterday while playing a video game (sitting in his new “lion” chair Santa brought him) 
“when I turn 7 years old will I have a heard time with words too?”
I was taken back with the question and stopped and went up to him.
He was so beautiful.  He was so innocent. 
He was so sincere.  
“No”, I said.  “Jack has always had a hard time, you have not.  Turning 7 won’t change that.”
I pushed his hair back and looked into his baby blue eyes and smiled.  
His brother, Jack
is autistic. 
  I am O.K. 
He is O.K. 
Our family is O.K.
It has taken time.
Many years with some tears.  
Tons of research and questions.
Deep breaths, laughter, acceptance, and mostly
Having a special needs child has broadened my scope of vision. 
 It has given me the chance to see the world in a perspective I would not have otherwise. 
A perspective of profound personal acceptance, for Jack, my Self and everyone I already LOVE and those I am meeting everyday in my life.
 I hold a new tolerance of understanding that I don’t think would have come to had it not been for Jack and his “disability.”

 I have always tried to have such acceptance, but today, after having Jack in my life for 7 years, loving him, working with him, enjoying his presence, celebrating each new year–year after year–it has coated my skin with new colors.

 I couldn’t imagine living any other way.
 I see beauty in most everything I see.

Thanks Jack.

I live in two worlds all the time.

I live full.
I live to feel

Autism is a part of my life, like my arm is a part of my body.
My Children are a part of my life like the my heart beat is part of my existence.

I am whole.  For so many reasons.
I dream in order to find
Dreaming is the way I SEE.



Author: openlifestudio

I am a self taught photographer and mixed media artist with a degree from the North Carolina School of the Arts in classical theatre performance. Stage was my first love and brought me into the world art while photography is what made me want to stay. I am married to superman, and am the mother of three little super-ducks. I studied creative writing at the Univeristy of Tn and classical drama at the NC School of the Arts, and a Masters in Education with concentration of inclusion and curriculum. I've liived in NYC and LA for the past decade and moved back to TN for some home cooking and back yard fun . I spend most of my days getting little ones through life and playing in my studio. I sell my work through different venues and am really happy where I find myself these days. I love to drink a bottle of wine (with my hubby) coupled with extra cheddar blast goldfish! Having kids has changed my life, the arts has shaped my life, and my soulmate continues everyday to walk through my life beside me. What else could a country city girl like me need.

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